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BULLYING
| | | Your child getting bullied at school? | | | Feel like ripping the tormentor's throat out? | | | Don't - it might make things worse! Read on | | I know you feel like bashing the bullies - it's the mother/father tiger in us. However, because bullying can take many subtle and often undetected forms, it is difficult to control just by punishment.
| | | Firstly Are you Overreacting? What is Bullying? | | Bullying is repeated physical and/or psychological oppression. It can occur when one child is more "powerful" than the other and intimidates or harasses the fearful victims. Victims usually feel a threat of violence, either real or imagined. It is often systematic. Bullying is not the occasional putdowns, teasing, taunting and shoving all our children get, and sometimes in turn give others.
| | Where does it happen? | | Bullying can occur in primary school but is more frequently found in the middle and upper schools.
| | How common is it? | | Professor Ken Rigby who has been researching bullying in Australia for many years, reports that, in Australian schools, at least one child in six is bullied by peers on a weekly basis.
| | What's the impact? | | Although not always leading to serious emotional health problems, some children who are bullied over time can develop diagnosable emotional health problems such as anxiety disorders (eg school phobia), depression and other long-term psychological consequences such as poor self-esteem and lack of confidence.
| | Who are the bullies? | | Sadly, they are often inadequate, cowardly children who have themselves been victims of violence, abuse or neglect. Their self-esteem is often low. They target children over whom they can have an advantage and feel more powerful. They rarely bully in the presence of someone they perceive as more powerful - eg an adult or a teacher. Physical bullying is far more common in boys, with girls tending towards indirect bullying.
| | How will I know if my child is bullied? | | Children will not always tell parents or people in authority. Professor Rigby found that children who have been victimised at school are more likely to seek help from other students rather than the teachers. Even if your child hasn't told you at home, you will likely notice changes in his/her behaviour if they are the victim of bullying. Things to watch out for include more fearfulness, tears, grumpiness, jumpiness, "losing" things of value, wanting to avoid school or other activities and, of course, the obvious bruises, dirty and disarranged clothing.
| | What can I do? | | 1. Support and listen to your child. It is important not to blame the victim.
2. Some non-assertive children may be helped to develop assertiveness skills.
3. Explore and consult with your child about what action they have taken and what other action they might try.
4. Raise the issue with your child's school and ask them what they will do to stop the bullying.
5. Ensure your child has access to an adult to tell when the bullying occurs.
6. Help your child with the social skills necessary to have friends at school. Groups of friends do not get bullied.
7. Look for ways to improve your child's confidence, even if they are a bit different.
8. Get professional help.
| | What can the school do? | | Research has shown that the most effective interventions against bullying need a clear-headed and calm response by schools, teachers and parents. Schools (or groups such as scouts) which have low levels of bullying have a clear anti-bullying policy and culture of humanitarian values which involve everyone - no exceptions. Not only is there zero tolerance to bullying, there is also structured programmes and strong encouragement for co-operative learning. The message is "do as I do", with teachers being role models for dealing with pupils in a humanitarian way, and students taking roles in peer mediation to resolve disputes. Direct methods to minimise bullying involve supporting and counselling the victim and indeed the bully. The aim here is to help the bully feel concern for their victim and take responsibility for improving the relationship. Sometimes despite best efforts to modify the behaviour of the bully, sanctions such as calling in their parents, suspension, or expulsion may be needed.
| | Reference: | | Rigby, K. (1996)
Bullying in Australian Schools and What to do about it.
Melbourne, Australian Council for Educational Research.
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